gifs of me:
At CCA we had a ministry team. The leaders were called Mr. and Mrs. Negus. I always looked up to them and I wanted to be like them one day.
I went to their house for the first time in two years to pick up my puppets that I had left there and they asked me multiple times how my walk with the Lord was and if I still loved Jesus.
I told them that it had been rough and I no longer correlate with Christianity or any religion for that matter. I’m spiritual, just not part of anything.
They asked me why I feel this way and I told them that my beliefs no longer correspond with those that call themselves “Christians” and that The Bible only contains 12 laws that you are required to follow and the rest were church laws, not Gods laws.
When they asked me for an example, I looked them straight in the eye and said, “I believe that gay people have every right to marry as you do.” Mr. Negus promptly said that I was not going to go to Heaven and began a squabble with me.
I asked him, “Do you eat shellfish?”
“Well, yeah that law no longer is relevant.”
“It’s a hygiene law put out by the religious leaders at that time. Homosexuality was in the same passage.”
“You’re picking and choosing what to believe!”
“Really? Because I don’t follow any of the laws in that passage and you only follow one or two! I’m not picking and choosing, because I’m not even a Christian! Do you talk to your wife while she’s on her period?”
At this point in time, Mr. Negus left the room and Mrs. Negus stayed to talk to me. I was near tears, but I wasn’t about to let them see me cry. I left them on this note.
“When I get to Heaven, God’s gonna tell me that you’re wrong. He’ll say, ‘Don’t listen to them, you can come in too.’”
Then I got in my car and drove away with my head spinning and tears running down my face, knowing that I don’t need heroes like them anyways.
Edit: I didn’t mention that Mr. Negus told me that “it was nice knowing you” as I was leaving.
because I love a girl.
|Her:||That was so weird.|
|Her:||I just remembered that you wouldn't have any reason to check them out, and you didn't.|
|Me:||Oh, yeah. I didn't really think about it.|
|Her:||Yeah you just looked at them and looked away like, "That's enough of that."|
|Me:||That's basically my thought process.|
|*women's track team walks by*|
|Her:||Carmen, go get a mop for your drool.|
If he couldn’t figure it out before he most definitely knows now.
ALL THE AWARDS. ALL THE FUCKING AWARDS.
I wish I was straight. Hell, I wish I was just gay. At least when I say what I am people would know what I’m talking about. No, do you want to know what the closest thing I could find was?
A flexible homo-romantic demi/asexual.
Goddamn. It’ll take me about an hour to explain that to anyone. I barely even understand it.
Even then I don’t know whether it’s because I can’t hold onto someone, or I’m completely put off by the girls around me.
I don’t want to feel this way. I hate this.
I want to be normal.
But what can I say? I’m lonely.
I’m fucking lonely. The longest relationship I’ve ever had lasted six months, but he cheated on me for the last four months. Shortest was three fucking days. How am I such a turn off that I can’t keep someone for more than a few days. Fuck.
There are only three girls in my area that are lesbian/bi whatever and one I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, one can’t get over her ex in fucking Florida, and the other barely knows I exist.
She’s a bit old for me anyways and probably not interested.
Really, I don’t even want a relationship. It truly doesn’t matter. I just really need someone to talk to. I want someone to be able to call up and talk about girls with. I want someone to talk to about my straight girl crushes. At least someone who would understand what I’m talking about.
My friends are wonderful. I couldn’t ask for better really. I love you guys so much, but you have no idea what it’s like. I know you’re there for me to talk to but I want someone that knows exactly what it feels like to fall for someone who’s straight, to hear one too many gay jokes, or have to go in and out of the closet depending on your location or who you’re with.
Like when your aunt and uncle come down for Christmas dinner and they ask you if you have a boyfriend.
If only people on Tinychat lived closer,
or I had a webcam that worked so I could actually stay in it for more than 5 minutes.
I just need a gay friend. Please.